The first date: the man almost always pays
2025-08-18 Linguist Anne Barron took a closer look at German and British editions of the reality show ‘First Dates.’ The result: although men usually pay in both countries, there are significant differences in how this is negotiated between couples.
Two strangers looking for love meet for a romantic dinner. A private television station has arranged the rendezvous in a TV restaurant. Part of the concept of the programme ‘First Dates’ is the question: Who pays? After a good meal and lively conversation, the TV waiter places a small treasure chest on the table. Inside is the bill. Anne Barron and her research team took a particularly close look at these scenes – in both the British and German versions of the TV format.
First of all, the man almost always pays; the bill was rarely split. But linguistically, the outcome was negotiated differently in both countries. ‘German men offered to pay the bill more often, but they were less direct than the British,’ explains the professor of English language. ‘May I pay?’ or ‘I'd like to treat you’ were common offers. In the British edition, women often opened the negotiation with suggestions such as ‘Are we going halves?’ and suggested splitting the bill more often than German women. The man often countered this directly with ‘No, I'll get it.’
‘In both cultures, paying the bill is an expression of masculinity,’ says Anne Barron. ‘At the same time, it's also meant to be nice. Nevertheless, this norm is also face-threatening for women. After all, they are independent and can take care of themselves. They also don't want to appear greedy.’
British women save face through their negotiation strategy: ‘They take the initiative and suggest splitting the bill. That way, they save face,’ explains the professor. In the German version of the show, on the other hand, men take on this task to a certain extent. ‘With questions like “May I invite you?”, they verbally seek the woman's permission,’ explains Anne Barron.
These cultural differences partly contradict previous research findings on linguistic strategies in Great Britain and Germany. ‘Germans are actually considered to be much more direct,’ says the researcher. ‘At least when it comes to negotiating who pays the bill on a date, this does not seem to be the case.’ In addition to the cultural differences, she was particularly surprised by the clear division of roles: ‘Men and women are still surprisingly traditional in this regard on first dates – both here and in the UK.’